sleepfarting and fake pee, or: why i love my husband.

by Alexis on June 9, 2010

you know how some men call their wives their “better half”? well, i think i may have heard sei (my husband) call me that once or twice, but i’m pretty sure he was lying. or i dunno, maybe he really thinks that, but i know it to be totally false.

in honor of father’s day (which i know is more than a week away, but at least this way, my post will be the first father’s day post you read, and not the 842nd), awkward thursday is going to feature the most awkward topic of all: why i love my husband.

i’m all for ballbusting; sei tells me that i do it all the time. i like to make sure that my husband knows how awesome i am and that he’s lucky to have me. but inside, i know that i hit the jackpot with this guy.

and today, i’m gonna give his balls a break and let him know that i love him. but of course, this is depressionsandconfessions, so you KNOW it’s gonna be embarrassing for someone. i’m not sure who yet, but by the end of this post, either he, you, or i will be blushing. recognize.

here is a list of reasons why sei is the true better half of this relationship:

*when we first got married, i didn’t know how to cook. and i pretended like i didn’t know how cookbooks worked, so sei did all the cooking. ALL of it. i don’t think i cooked a full meal that wasn’t a birthday present until my first son was a couple months old.

*sei and i were 21 and 18, respectively, when we got married, so we were both still in college. we were also broke–we paid our first couple months’ rent with cash we got as wedding gifts. thankfully, we both found jobs within a month. i worked part-time, and sei worked full-time. 40 hours a week, all through college. he would go to class at 8 in the morning, then go straight to work at 3, do the swing shift, then come home at 11 and study. i never heard him complain once.

*one time, we were watching a movie at our place with some friends, and i fell asleep on the couch. i guess i started farting in my sleep (so sei says, although he tends to lie so who knows if this is true), and he acted like it was him so our friends wouldn’t think i was a disgusting sleepfarter. well, i guess the cat’s out of the bag: i sometimes have gas. alert the media.

*sei has taught me a lot in the nine years we’ve been together: how to play tennis, swing a golf club, and swear in spanish and samoan.

*when i decided i was done breastfeeding, i didn’t hear one peep from sei. he just told me it was my choice and he would support me, whatever the decision was.

*even though i start things all the time and finish pretty much none of them, he never criticizes me or makes me feel like a dumbass (i do fine at that on my own, anyway). when i wanted to take better pictures, he helped me shop for a nice camera. when i wanted to document my son’s life, he babysat while i spent insane amounts of time and money at the craft store buying scrapbook paper that has been under my bed for 2 years. seriously, he is totally silent about the fact that my house looks like a hobby lobby sharted under the bed and in all the closets.

when i decided to start blogging about postpartum depression, he told me he thought it was a great idea. he reads every. single. post. every comment.

and when i told him i wanted to go to blogher or evo10, he didn’t say he thought i was getting carried away or that it was a waste of time. he just asked me if he needed to find a babysitter.

*once, when we had a pregnancy scare before we were ready to have kids, i made him go to the drugstore to buy two things: an ept test and a box of condoms. i should have had him buy tampons and a feminine douching kit, too.

*he hates reading, but he read the da vinci code because he remembered that one time i’d told him i’d always dreamed that my husband and i would read together and discuss books.

*when i was having a really bad depressive episode during my sophomore year of college, we were fighting as we drove home from somewhere. he pulled over near a river, turned to me and said, “what’s wrong?! please, just tell me.” i felt so helpless, because i had no idea. so he took work off that day, and we dropped everything and drove down to vegas for a long weekend. it was just what i needed.

*one time we were at an amusement park and we went on a really scary rollercoaster (i’m terrified of heights). i’m not trying to make excuses or anything, but i have a really weak bladder. and i peed myself. i was so mortified, because we were with a bunch of friends (as if i really needed to know the people who would have seen my urine-soaked clothes to be embarrassed about the fact that i am incontinent). sei pretended like he was really hot and dumped a bottle of water all over himself so that i could do the same thing and camouflage the piss stain. see? chivalry really isn’t dead.

*this past tuesday, he came home from an 11-hour work day, took one look at me in my pajamas with my teeth unbrushed and my hair looking like don king’s, and said, “get dressed. you’re going out.” i was all, uh, no thanks.

but he made me get dressed and brush my teeth, then he shooed me out the door. he watched our boys for three hours while i sat at the bookstore and drank diet pepsi and watched back episodes of glee, then went to the gym and worked out for an hour and a half. let me tell you, it was pure bliss. i even got to use the bathroom. alone.

this list could go on for centuries; he’s really that amazing. not to say that our marriage is perfect; if you read pretty much any post other than this one, you will see that we do not live in la-la land. we have our feet firmly planted on earth, where couples disagree and people say things they don’t mean. sei and i do all that stuff, and worse. we’ve been through a whole lotta crap, but we choose to make things work.

but i do have to say this: while our marriage is far from a fairytale, sei ALWAYS has my back. always. he is my number one fan. good thing he looks so sexy in a cheerleader’s uniform.

today, you can say nice things about your husband. i promise i won’t judge you, just this once. but please understand that tomorrow, sei will be back on my naughty list and it will be as though this post never happened.

so go ahead, i won’t tell: what do you love about your man today?

and p.s. if you guys EVER tell ANYONE that i wet myself on a rollercoaster, you are dead to me.

Related Posts with Thumbnails

— Alexis

{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber June 13, 2010 at 8:46 pm

Ha, it’s okay, I’d probably pee myself too. I can’t go on roller coasters anymore.

And something I love about my husband? He tells me I’m beautiful. And he is making me lasagna on my birthday.

Reply

Ms. Understood June 13, 2010 at 9:38 pm

Your husband sounds like an awesome man. Congrats on snagging a good one. LOL @ the title of the blog. My husband does the opposite. He farts and blames the dog or me. Happy Father’s day to your husband.

Stopping by from SITS.

Reply

Bernice Wood June 14, 2010 at 11:01 am

Wow, I am usually behind the 8 ball and haven’t even started thinking about father’s day yet, but here goes.
Whenever I get ticked off at my dh, I remember these things-
*he married me when I was pregnant and 15, that was 29 years ago
*he fixes my coffee every morning
*he has actually started doing his own laundry!
*he has always worked to support his family and has always put his family first
*he understands my episodes of depression and does his best to figure out what I am in need of: a good cry, a stiff drink, a kick in the rearend, or to get off my butt and go out for a nice dinner

Ok, now I am all teary-eyed and can’t wait til he gets home to give him a big hug!

Reply

Kristy June 14, 2010 at 11:48 am

My last post listed things I love about my husband, but then I kind of went on with my big mouth and listed some of the silly things he has done too! My poor husband. He is great because he puts up with me.
http://www.pampersandpinot.com

Reply

Licia June 14, 2010 at 2:42 pm

What a great way to celebrate your husband. Marriages are not perfect and neither are husbands, but they are great if we can appreciate them and try to remember all the good things about them.
One thing I love about my husband is his undying love of learning and experiencing new things. I can get pretty boring and he motivates me (and sometimes gives me a little push) to get out there and live and learn.
stopping in from sits
Licia recently posted..stepping it up a notch: friday casual

Reply

Ian June 16, 2010 at 7:31 am

Sleepfarting LMAO. Great post homey, new follower here. I would say that I love my husband but that would make me ghey and the wife wouldn’t like that. So I love myself, being the husband of the year and all.
Ian recently posted..Can you change?

Reply

Alexis June 16, 2010 at 7:54 am

why thank you…i love your politically correct spelling of gay. very sensitive and insightful.

Reply

Michelle @ Italian Mama Chef June 25, 2010 at 10:41 am

Sounds like you have a great guy, just like mine. And we have a lot in common as far as those tons of unfinished projects and the money spent on them. My hubby says nothing either. I return the favor and don’t say much when he is guilable and spends money on crap or gets swindled as he did last night. sigh…. I am so glad I found you on Theta Mom today.

Reply

Christine June 26, 2010 at 8:07 am

Wow, Alexis. This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written.
Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. But seriously, It was awesome. You are vera cool.
Christine recently posted..Saturdays in Blog Land- Suck like Detention

Reply

pearlyshell September 1, 2011 at 7:34 am

Wow, Alexis. This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written.
Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. But seriously, It was awesome. You are vera cool.
pearlyshell recently posted..horse games in 3D

Reply

apple September 3, 2011 at 5:08 am

Sounds like you have a great guy, just like mine. And we have a lot in common as far as those tons of unfinished projects and the money spent on them. My hubby says nothing either.
apple recently posted..stunt dirt bike games

Reply

billyards September 14, 2011 at 11:44 am

They are great if we can appreciate them and try to remember all the good things about them. :P
billyards recently posted..Play Mario Games

Reply

california05 September 20, 2011 at 10:52 pm

All people will experience depressions so we have to aware about that, thanks for sharing this blog anyway,,.
california05 recently posted..Diabetic Diet

Reply

chicago05 September 21, 2011 at 3:59 am

Thank you so much for sharing this plug-ins. You inspired me a lot to become strong.
chicago05 recently posted..Diabetic Diet Guidelines

Reply

kimpygal September 22, 2011 at 9:32 am

wow! you’re so great to have him ,and he’s so great to have you!! opposite poles attract but someone must also give and take!! great relationship! very touching you guys have!!! love lots! keep it up!!
kimpygal recently posted..online dating service

Reply

Rea October 1, 2011 at 11:07 am

great post thanks for sharing this to us i might share this to my friends.keep posting.
Rea recently posted..play angry birds

Reply

naruto0506 October 7, 2011 at 9:04 am

They are great if we can appreciate them and try to remember all the good things about them. | :P
naruto0506 recently posted..A Memorable Vacation at the Virginia Beach

Reply

Krysthal Wilson October 14, 2011 at 6:38 am

I really enjoyed reading your article! Thanks for the post! Your a lucky women to have a husband like that! Love him more! :)
Krysthal Wilson recently posted..Online Payment for Target Credit Card

Reply

jellyace5 October 14, 2011 at 11:04 pm

Thanks for sharing your thoughts and experiences with us,. I really admired you as a true woman and a wife.
jellyace5 recently posted..list of paleo diet foods

Reply

Kellie October 17, 2011 at 10:18 am

i was having a really bad depressive episode during my sophomore year of college, we were fighting as we drove home from somewhere. he pulled over near a river, turned to me and said, “what’s wrong?! please, just tell me.” i felt so helpless, because i had no idea. so he took work off that day, and we dropped everything and drove down to vegas for a long weekend. it was just what i needed.
Kellie recently posted..play angry birds online

Reply

reelsteel06 October 19, 2011 at 3:05 am

Opposite poles attract but someone must also give and take!! great relationship! very touching you guys have!!! love lots! keep it up!! | :P
reelsteel06 recently posted..online games

Reply

Vieve October 20, 2011 at 12:46 pm

Cool, kinda funny ;) Thanks for the details and keep up the awesome stuff.
Vieve recently posted..angry birds game online

Reply

leahlangga October 21, 2011 at 3:06 am

Hi There! you really got a precious stone with you, take care of it! Though marriage is not all thorns, I also have my share of good thoughts about my husband. He is very much supportive of my work online and even to the point that he offered to be the one to wash clothes so my home chores would be a little bit lighter, or even yet prepare the table while I cook before the kids get home from school. Anyway, marriage is full of surprises but the over all result is that marriage makes us strong and mature in many ways.
leahlangga recently posted..online statistic

Reply

diamond56 October 25, 2011 at 11:51 am

This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written. Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. | :P
diamond56 recently posted..paleo diet recipes

Reply

darknight0506 November 9, 2011 at 11:49 am

This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written. Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. But seriously, It was awesome. | :P
darknight0506 recently posted..free racing games

Reply

s@a.com January 1, 2012 at 12:23 am

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Warning: Invalid argument supplied for foreach() in /home/depressi/public_html/wp-content/plugins/smilies-themer-toolbar/smilies-themer-toolbar.php on line 450

{ 2 trackbacks }

Subscribe without commenting

Previous post:

Next post: