sleepfarting and fake pee, or: why i love my husband.

you know how some men call their wives their “better half”? well, i think i may have heard sei (my husband) call me that once or twice, but i’m pretty sure he was lying. or i dunno, maybe he really thinks that, but i know it to be totally false.

in honor of father’s day (which i know is more than a week away, but at least this way, my post will be the first father’s day post you read, and not the 842nd), awkward thursday is going to feature the most awkward topic of all: why i love my husband.

i’m all for ballbusting; sei tells me that i do it all the time. i like to make sure that my husband knows how awesome i am and that he’s lucky to have me. but inside, i know that i hit the jackpot with this guy.

and today, i’m gonna give his balls a break and let him know that i love him. but of course, this is depressionsandconfessions, so you KNOW it’s gonna be embarrassing for someone. i’m not sure who yet, but by the end of this post, either he, you, or i will be blushing. recognize.

here is a list of reasons why sei is the true better half of this relationship:

*when we first got married, i didn’t know how to cook. and i pretended like i didn’t know how cookbooks worked, so sei did all the cooking. ALL of it. i don’t think i cooked a full meal that wasn’t a birthday present until my first son was a couple months old.

*sei and i were 21 and 18, respectively, when we got married, so we were both still in college. we were also broke–we paid our first couple months’ rent with cash we got as wedding gifts. thankfully, we both found jobs within a month. i worked part-time, and sei worked full-time. 40 hours a week, all through college. he would go to class at 8 in the morning, then go straight to work at 3, do the swing shift, then come home at 11 and study. i never heard him complain once.

*one time, we were watching a movie at our place with some friends, and i fell asleep on the couch. i guess i started farting in my sleep (so sei says, although he tends to lie so who knows if this is true), and he acted like it was him so our friends wouldn’t think i was a disgusting sleepfarter. well, i guess the cat’s out of the bag: i sometimes have gas. alert the media.

*sei has taught me a lot in the nine years we’ve been together: how to play tennis, swing a golf club, and swear in spanish and samoan.

*when i decided i was done breastfeeding, i didn’t hear one peep from sei. he just told me it was my choice and he would support me, whatever the decision was.

*even though i start things all the time and finish pretty much none of them, he never criticizes me or makes me feel like a dumbass (i do fine at that on my own, anyway). when i wanted to take better pictures, he helped me shop for a nice camera. when i wanted to document my son’s life, he babysat while i spent insane amounts of time and money at the craft store buying scrapbook paper that has been under my bed for 2 years. seriously, he is totally silent about the fact that my house looks like a hobby lobby sharted under the bed and in all the closets.

when i decided to start blogging about postpartum depression, he told me he thought it was a great idea. he reads every. single. post. every comment.

and when i told him i wanted to go to blogher or evo10, he didn’t say he thought i was getting carried away or that it was a waste of time. he just asked me if he needed to find a babysitter.

*once, when we had a pregnancy scare before we were ready to have kids, i made him go to the drugstore to buy two things: an ept test and a box of condoms. i should have had him buy tampons and a feminine douching kit, too.

*he hates reading, but he read the da vinci code because he remembered that one time i’d told him i’d always dreamed that my husband and i would read together and discuss books.

*when i was having a really bad depressive episode during my sophomore year of college, we were fighting as we drove home from somewhere. he pulled over near a river, turned to me and said, “what’s wrong?! please, just tell me.” i felt so helpless, because i had no idea. so he took work off that day, and we dropped everything and drove down to vegas for a long weekend. it was just what i needed.

*one time we were at an amusement park and we went on a really scary rollercoaster (i’m terrified of heights). i’m not trying to make excuses or anything, but i have a really weak bladder. and i peed myself. i was so mortified, because we were with a bunch of friends (as if i really needed to know the people who would have seen my urine-soaked clothes to be embarrassed about the fact that i am incontinent). sei pretended like he was really hot and dumped a bottle of water all over himself so that i could do the same thing and camouflage the piss stain. see? chivalry really isn’t dead.

*this past tuesday, he came home from an 11-hour work day, took one look at me in my pajamas with my teeth unbrushed and my hair looking like don king’s, and said, “get dressed. you’re going out.” i was all, uh, no thanks.

but he made me get dressed and brush my teeth, then he shooed me out the door. he watched our boys for three hours while i sat at the bookstore and drank diet pepsi and watched back episodes of glee, then went to the gym and worked out for an hour and a half. let me tell you, it was pure bliss. i even got to use the bathroom. alone.

this list could go on for centuries; he’s really that amazing. not to say that our marriage is perfect; if you read pretty much any post other than this one, you will see that we do not live in la-la land. we have our feet firmly planted on earth, where couples disagree and people say things they don’t mean. sei and i do all that stuff, and worse. we’ve been through a whole lotta crap, but we choose to make things work.

but i do have to say this: while our marriage is far from a fairytale, sei ALWAYS has my back. always. he is my number one fan. good thing he looks so sexy in a cheerleader’s uniform.

today, you can say nice things about your husband. i promise i won’t judge you, just this once. but please understand that tomorrow, sei will be back on my naughty list and it will be as though this post never happened.

so go ahead, i won’t tell: what do you love about your man today?

and p.s. if you guys EVER tell ANYONE that i wet myself on a rollercoaster, you are dead to me.

Comments

  1. says

    Ha, it’s okay, I’d probably pee myself too. I can’t go on roller coasters anymore.

    And something I love about my husband? He tells me I’m beautiful. And he is making me lasagna on my birthday.

  2. says

    Your husband sounds like an awesome man. Congrats on snagging a good one. LOL @ the title of the blog. My husband does the opposite. He farts and blames the dog or me. Happy Father’s day to your husband.

    Stopping by from SITS.

  3. says

    Wow, I am usually behind the 8 ball and haven’t even started thinking about father’s day yet, but here goes.
    Whenever I get ticked off at my dh, I remember these things-
    *he married me when I was pregnant and 15, that was 29 years ago
    *he fixes my coffee every morning
    *he has actually started doing his own laundry!
    *he has always worked to support his family and has always put his family first
    *he understands my episodes of depression and does his best to figure out what I am in need of: a good cry, a stiff drink, a kick in the rearend, or to get off my butt and go out for a nice dinner

    Ok, now I am all teary-eyed and can’t wait til he gets home to give him a big hug!

  4. says

    What a great way to celebrate your husband. Marriages are not perfect and neither are husbands, but they are great if we can appreciate them and try to remember all the good things about them.
    One thing I love about my husband is his undying love of learning and experiencing new things. I can get pretty boring and he motivates me (and sometimes gives me a little push) to get out there and live and learn.
    stopping in from sits
    Licia recently posted..stepping it up a notch: friday casual

  5. says

    Sleepfarting LMAO. Great post homey, new follower here. I would say that I love my husband but that would make me ghey and the wife wouldn’t like that. So I love myself, being the husband of the year and all.
    Ian recently posted..Can you change?

  6. says

    Sounds like you have a great guy, just like mine. And we have a lot in common as far as those tons of unfinished projects and the money spent on them. My hubby says nothing either. I return the favor and don’t say much when he is guilable and spends money on crap or gets swindled as he did last night. sigh…. I am so glad I found you on Theta Mom today.

  7. pearlyshell says

    Wow, Alexis. This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written.
    Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. But seriously, It was awesome. You are vera cool.
    pearlyshell recently posted..horse games in 3D

  8. apple says

    Sounds like you have a great guy, just like mine. And we have a lot in common as far as those tons of unfinished projects and the money spent on them. My hubby says nothing either.
    apple recently posted..stunt dirt bike games

  9. kimpygal says

    wow! you’re so great to have him ,and he’s so great to have you!! opposite poles attract but someone must also give and take!! great relationship! very touching you guys have!!! love lots! keep it up!!
    kimpygal recently posted..online dating service

  10. Kellie says

    i was having a really bad depressive episode during my sophomore year of college, we were fighting as we drove home from somewhere. he pulled over near a river, turned to me and said, “what’s wrong?! please, just tell me.” i felt so helpless, because i had no idea. so he took work off that day, and we dropped everything and drove down to vegas for a long weekend. it was just what i needed.
    Kellie recently posted..play angry birds online

  11. reelsteel06 says

    Opposite poles attract but someone must also give and take!! great relationship! very touching you guys have!!! love lots! keep it up!! | :P
    reelsteel06 recently posted..online games

  12. leahlangga says

    Hi There! you really got a precious stone with you, take care of it! Though marriage is not all thorns, I also have my share of good thoughts about my husband. He is very much supportive of my work online and even to the point that he offered to be the one to wash clothes so my home chores would be a little bit lighter, or even yet prepare the table while I cook before the kids get home from school. Anyway, marriage is full of surprises but the over all result is that marriage makes us strong and mature in many ways.
    leahlangga recently posted..online statistic

  13. diamond56 says

    This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written. Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. | :P
    diamond56 recently posted..paleo diet recipes

  14. darknight0506 says

    This was an amazing post. Funny as hell & Sweet as honey. Seriously, it’s the best post you’ve written. Never mind that it’s only the second one I’ve read. But seriously, It was awesome. | :P
    darknight0506 recently posted..free racing games

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