i rarely ever show my blog posts to sei before i put them up–i tend to write late at night, and since he wakes up early in the morning to go to work, he’s usually knocked out somewhere in the house before i even start blogging. so he’ll usually read them on a break at work, or sometimes when he gets home. most days he’ll text me to tell me he read the post (or watched my vlog) and give me his opinion. last thursday, after her read my ode to beautiful men, he texted me saying that he’d read the post, and it wasn’t his favorite. ha.

when i asked him if my talking about other men had made him feel uncomfortable, he said no. and i believe him, because usually he just rolls his eyes when i talk about celebrities. so i was a little confused as to his objections to the post. when i asked him what bug flew up his butt, he said, “i don’t care but u would die if i talked about someone that way. in fact most women wouldn’t be able to handle that coming from their men.”

*cue me getting all huffy and sending out an irritated “oh no you di’int!” text*

but then i started thinking about what he said. in fact, i’ve been thinking about it on and off for the past week, and i decided to make it the topic of awkward thursday: today, i’m telling you why sei was right. *side note to sei: don’t get used to reading that. for all you know, that sentence never even happened.*

my first instinct when sei said that i wouldn’t have been able to handle him talking about other women was to stomp my foot and say “nuh-UH!” and actually, i kind of did that–albeit via text message–but i was lying just a little bit. because really, i would probably flick him in the tenders if he ever talked about a woman like that.

i’m usually all for equality, really: for example, i think sei should do the dishes equally as many times as he would like to play golf. but in the case of my husband (or any husband, for that matter), when it comes to admiring members of the opposite sex, equality just doesn’t fly.

here’s my reasoning: when i talk about men i think are attractive, i mean it in a purely detached, abstract manner. i admire men in the same way i would admire a van gogh painting in a museum. it’s beautiful, but i’m not going to take it home; it would cost me way too much. and even when i talk about licking bradley cooper, i don’t mean it in the literal sense. like, i’ve never actually imagined licking anyone other than sei. that’s just the way i talk. because apparently, i am a 20 year-old frat boy.

HOWEVER. when a man speaks about a woman he finds attractive, he’s not thinking to himself, “wow, what lustrous hair she has,” he’s thinking “hmmm…i wonder if i could hit that.” how do i know this? well first, i didn’t have a lot of female friends growing up; most of my friends were guys. second, after i interviewed sei for a vlog in which he mentioned megan fox, SEVERAL male friends of ours came up to me AT CHURCH to tell me that megan fox is indeed hot (that’s right, tua, i’m putting you on blast. recognize). i believe there was also a fair amount of rabid panting happening as they mentioned her name.

not that i blame men for this difference. it’s a biological truth that men think about sex more than women; their brains are simply wired to perform that way. that doesn’t mean i don’t expect my husband to cap that urge and put all that sexual energy into me. bwahahaha i cannot believe i just typed that sentence. my insomnia is sooo catching up with me right now.

anyway, what i am trying to say here is that in this case, sei is just going to have to suck it up and realize that there are some things he’s never going to be able to do. he’s never going to be able to ride a motorcycle (because i have banned him from all motorized two-wheeled vehicles), he’s never going to be able to go bungee jumping without worrying that the cord is going to snap (he has heavy bones), and he’s never going to be able to say kim kardashian has “a nice figure” without me saying, “well, kim kardashian didn’t have her figure RUINED by two children, now DID SHE?! are you saying i’m fat?!” not that that ever happened, but you know, hypothetically speaking.

sei can just put this in the vault along with all the other things that aren’t fair about our marriage, like the fact that his feelings aren’t as important as mine because he doesn’t have a diagnosed mental condition, or that i get to buy a new cell phone every nine months or so and give him my old hand-me-downs.

everyone has to make compromises to be in a successful relationship, sei. except me.

— Alexis