i kind of touched on this in my vlog yesterday, but i don’t think i really made myself clear due to time constraints, so i’m going to write about it at greater length today.

everyone who i met at blogher was lovely, really. but i did overhear some things that kind of made me cringe. you know how celebrities always get crap when they don’t want to sign autographs and mingle with their fans? well, i kind of understand that, to a certain extent. for celebrities who put themselves out there in the media and expose their children and spouses to the glare of the spotlight, i think it’s only fair that they put up with the adoration of their fans, even though it might be inconvenient and even intrusive at times.

granted, there are stars who go out of their way to stay out of the public eye, and those celebrities deserve all the privacy they work so hard for. the more they curry to the public in order to get greater fame and more money, the less they should expect their boundaries to be respected.

and this all applies to bloggers, too, albeit on a much smaller scale (because the blogosphere is a bubble the size of a grape when compared to the wide world). for example, a food blogger who doesn’t ever talk about her personal life and who leaves her children and spouse out of her blog probably doesn’t want fans coming up to her and asking about her latest bowel movement, and that makes total sense.

on the other hand, a blogger who opens up her entire life to the internet and writes about everything from her children to what she bought at the grocery store yesterday to the amount of sex she is having with her husband? she should expect her fans to talk to her like she is a personal friend. i can’t even count the number of times i’ve heard the phrase “internet friends are real friends” over the past couple of months, so why wouldn’t this principle extend to casual acquaintances, i.e. people who read your blog on a regular basis?

i really, really, really hate hearing from people that they were disappointed when they met a blogger in real life. especially when the reason for their disappointment is that the blogger was less than friendly. someone even told me at blogher that their favorite blogger had totally ignored her and treated her like a stalker. what the HELL is that about?

i’d like to think that maybe this was just a fluke, and maybe that blogger was having an off day. but i’m thinking that’s probably not the case, because i’ve heard this same thing about this same blogger on totally separate occasions from several different people. so really, what is up with that?

here’s my feeling: when you put yourself out there and subsequently profit off being a “transparent” and “honest” person, you owe your readers something. at least pretend to be the person they’ve come to love through your words, the person they feel close to, even if that closeness has only been in cyberspace. because that’s what you’re doing, you’re cultivating a relationship with your readers. and even though you have no idea who that reader is, they feel like they know you, and in a very real sense, they DO.

and not only that, but many of these big bloggers have become hugely successful through the loyalty of their readers. whether their version of success involves money, or opportunities, or developing a community around a certain cause, none of it is possible without their readership. so really, they owe their readers everything. don’t bite the hand that feeds you, and so on and so forth.

just to be clear, i’m not lashing out at one person specifically. i have seen a trend in the last two conferences i attended, and it’s really been bothering me. and also, i’m not jealous of these “big” bloggers–if i were, i would have said that in the first paragraph, because then you would’ve had to read this with a totally different perspective. this is not a jealous rant, merely an incensed observation. i am more than satisfied with what i have here. maybe at some time i’ll decide to attempt monetizing my blog or whatever, but i don’t see it happening in the near future.

right now, my idea of success in blogging is exactly this, what i am doing. writing whatever i want, being myself, and receiving honest feedback and support from people who, for some reason, find good in what i have to say. and like i said in my vlog, when i meet any of you, i only hope that i can treat you as well as you expect me to. because not to get all disgusting, but you guys are like oxygen to me.

— Alexis