i haven’t been updating as much as i usually do, and i’ve barely been on twitter or facebook for the past week. i have a couple of reasons. first, i’ve been trying to spend more time with my family lately. and by “spend time,” i mean actually turn off my computer and do stuff that involves other people who don’t live in my laptop.

my online life gives me so much. i feel like i have a huge support system that is round the clock–there’s always someone online, even when i can’t sleep at three in the morning and just need to vent about how crappy my day was. i get to express myself, be creative, and acquaint myself with amazing people. but i think it’s too easy to cross a very fine line between having an online life and living life online. i was getting too close to that line, so i backed away, and now everything is in order again.

it sometimes feels like if i don’t post often enough, or if i’m not funny enough, or if i don’t write about a topic that is universally appealing, people will stop reading my blog and i’ll go back to writing into thin air. and i suppose it’s a possibility. but i was beginning to let my life be ruled by that fear, and it was interfering with my ability to participate in the moments with my family. you know the moments: sitting at the dinner table with my husband and our boys talking about not eating boogers, slipping on a banana slice that was left on the floor by my one year-old who likes to walk around my house eating fruit, folding eight hundred pieces of clothing while watching project runway as sei babbles about byu football (he always offers to help, but honestly, the way he folds clothes gives me hives). those moments just don’t happen in cyberspace, and i don’t want to miss them.

second thing that’s been keeping me away from the blog: i’m doing something a little crazy. i don’t even really want to talk about it, because it’s kind of a new thing. also, if it doesn’t pan out, it might be a bit embarrassing for me. but in the spirit of full disclosure, i’ll tell you all. also, if i say something about this on my blog, i’ll be more motivated to follow through. because i am the queen of self-sabotage, and i don’t want this thing to go the way of all the other things i thought i wanted to do in the past. if you only knew all the half-accomplished goals i’ve made in my life, you’d be embarrassed for me.

so anyway, i’m going to tell you. ready? ok.

i’m applying to graduate school. master’s degree in english. cross your fingers.

— Alexis