gay marriage.

just the other day, a friend and i talked about my post on abortion, and she ended our discussion by asking me when i was going to write about gay marriage. i’d actually thought about it a lot, and i told her i’d probably never blog about it. it’s too inflammatory, too touchy, and i’m just little ol’ me. i felt like i didn’t know enough about the subject to speak about it.

but this weekend, a talk from an lds general authority named boyd k. packer threw so much fuel on the anti-mormon fires (which didn’t need fuel in the first place) that i can’t stop myself from posting this. i only hope that i’ll have the right words to say what it is i need to say.

i know there are many who think mormons hate gay people, and i suppose that maybe some of those feelings are warranted. i’m sure there are some mormons in the world who hate gay people, just as there are most likely some atheists, catholics, methodists, jews, or muslims who hate gay people. hating anyone, gay or straight, is a condition of humanity, not an inherent condition of mormonism.

i am disgusted by any person who says that all mormons hate gay people because one lds leader spoke out against gay marriage. the lds church is opposed to gay marriage, we all know this. but i don’t see the sense in bashing mormons or mormonism because church doctrine dictates that homosexuality is a sin. how does that help any cause? i can’t speak for boyd k. packer, since i obviously have no idea what’s going on in his head. but i cannot imagine that he hates gay people, i just can’t. was the timing of his talk lamentable, in light of several recent teen suicides due to anti-gay bullying? yes. were his words potentially hurtful to gay mormons and non-mormons the world over? i can only assume so (i say assume since i’m not gay). but did he say anything ANYWHERE in his talk about hating or casting out gay people? absolutely not.

the church i belong to espouses a culture of love and compassion, for everyone. we all sin (and many lds people subscribe to the doctrine that homosexuality is a sexual sin, similar to fornication or adultery), but we are all children of a loving God. i myself sin every single day, sometimes very grave sins, yet i have never felt downtrodden by church members (this is not counting specific instances in my life of feeling like an outcast–i attribute those instances to a human weakness in the other person involved, not to any religious obligation to exile me).

as for me personally, since i’m sure someone who reads this will wonder: i don’t know of anyone in my life who hates gay people. yes, i have encountered those who cannot understand homosexuality, and therefore are afraid of those who practice it. this is not to say that they hate those people. i see this more as narrow-mindedness, which is an unfortunate thing. i myself am not scared of gay people, and i don’t hate gay people. i love them just as i would love anyone.

i know there are so many conflicting theories about why gay people are gay, and they are all very confusing. i can only see things through my own eyes, and my perspective has been strongly colored by the fact that i will live the rest of my life with clinical depression. my body and my mind are so imperfect, and life has been difficult at times. but i know i have been created this way for a specific purpose, and although i am as yet unsure of that purpose, i don’t curse God for the way He made me. in the same way, i don’t question why gay people exist. i simply accept the fact that they do exist and see them as i feel God sees them; the same way i know He sees me: with love in His heart.

listening to boyd k. packer’s talk was difficult for me, because i could see how his language would offend and hurt many people, especially people who don’t understand the beliefs behind the talk. the simple truth is that the world at large doesn’t understand mormonism, and doesn’t take the time to understand it, but rather spews vitriol and malicious untruths about the religion, its leaders, and its followers. if you want the hate to stop, stop hating those you claim hate you. instead of flinging insults and accusations, attempt to befriend those who don’t understand you and live by example; treat them how you wish to be treated. this is the only way things will ever change.

and as for proposition 8, which boyd k. packer referenced in his talk, i could never vote on it. i stand by my church and i try to live by its precepts, but i honestly don’t see how preventing gay people from being married will protect my children from anything. i believe in the sacred nature of the family, and procreation is a huge part of the nuclear family unit, but i still don’t see how gay marriage threatens that for me on a personal level. i will still try teach my children to live in the manner which i believe is right, no matter what laws are passed. and people who are gay will continue be gay, no matter what laws are passed.

i think a lot of my feelings on this issue stem from a personal selfishness. i have a lot of gay friends and family members, and when i think of them loving their partners in the way i love my husband and not being able to have with them what i have with him (a legally binding marriage, a wedding ring, the same last names), i cry. i just cry. it really breaks my heart.

i’m not strong, and i don’t have all the answers. i wish i could say unequivocally what is right or wrong, but i can’t; like i said, i’m just not strong enough, and that is a failing in me. but i will say this: God loves all His children, this i know. and that’s all i need to know right now. so i will follow God’s example and love all His children, too, whether or not i think they are living the way they should. although my knowledge is imperfect, i have a perfect faith in His plan–for me, for you, for everyone.

— Alexis