the bipolar mormon’s lament.

being bipolar is hard. being mormon can be hard, too. being a bipolar mormon is, at times, complete torture. a lot of people with bipolar disorder become hyper religious when manic, either as a coping mechanism to deal with psychological pain, or as part of delusional thinking that is a trademark of psychosis. i sometimes […]

this is what depression looks like.

Alexis and Olivia

when i was first diagnosed with depression, i made the difficult decision to be honest about my condition with family and friends. the first thing they said when they found out i was suicidal was, “but you don’t seem depressed at all!” while i was happy i didn’t outwardly appear to be the wreck i […]

my name is alexis lesa, i hate the “modesty movement,” and i’m a mormon.

so when i saw this blog post with the title “modest is NOT hottest,” i was all yay! someone is going to talk about what a horrible slogan for a movement that is! and then i read the post, and i was like, nope. worst post about the modesty movement i have ever read, EVER. […]

on being fat.

it’s been a long time since i’ve written. when i was at my lowest with postpartum depression, blogging helped me through some of my worst times, and that’s why i’m starting up with depressionsandconfessions again. i miss the outlet, i miss the creativity, and most of all, i miss the people. i know it’s been […]

fighting the monster within.

i am not a violent person. or at least, i never thought i was. my family is about as pacifist as one can be–i didn’t even hold a gun until i was 29, and the most violent thing we ever did as a family was paintball and the occasional all-out warfare game of trivial pursuit. […]

to hear them shatter.

this is the most honest account i can give of my first (and i hope only) psychotic episode. i won’t give any analysis of what happened, just the details–i don’t want this post to be too long. i’ll talk about the implications of this episode later, maybe in my next post. if you’re at all […]

death in the family.

charlie, my little love

the first time i saw charlotte, she was looking at me through the glass window of a pet store. she was all alone in her cubby, and she looked…human. as though she was regarding me with some sort of emotion, like expectation or suspicious. it freaked me out a little, since i’m not the type […]